We definitely do not stay at home.
I’ve been waiting to post about being a new working mother because A) I was just in survival mode to be honest. Just trying to make sure I was eating enough, sleeping enough, all while worrying if it was enough. & B) I’ve wanted to make sure I wasn’t speaking from ignorance. I know every parent’s situation is completely different & if we walked a mile in each other’s shoes we’d make the same choices. I don’t think waiting 9 months is even long enough but I want to share my experience on a deeper level.
Let’s talk about how being pregnant, giving birth, to then raise that child is the absolute hardest & most magnificent decision in the entire world. Some days I feel like I am KILLING IT, while other’s I literally question everything & feel so down that I don’t know if even a good night’s rest would scratch the surface of what I really need. & that is a 3 day vacation from being a mom. Then guess what, I feel bad about even thinking I need time away from my child & that I am a bad mom. The spiral thoughts are out of control. Mom Guilt, Another coined term for us mother’s & caretakers. It is something I battle with sometimes multiple times a day.
I’m always one to try and look on the bright side of things. So I think, those judgmental thoughts that make me try to be better and better. Yes I actually purposefully force my brain to think and say those words. I do not let the shame and guilt drive me down. & some days it does happen & that is okay. Being sad is normal and healthy emotion. Allow yourself to feel it if it’s been a while.
Now let’s get into working mothers, Mothers that work + care for their child or even children & partner’s. IT IS FREAKIN HARD. Take all what I said before, the mom guilt, the bare minimum self care need, & the world altering body & mind changes from just getting pregnant and birthing a human.
It took me a full 3 months to even do just one shoot that wasn’t for a close friend that needed it. The healing journey was not fun. I am still regaining lost muscle in my entire body. I feel I’ve rebuilt my entire body. I very slowly am getting getting back into yoga & walking. I simply do a 15-25 minute yoga session & walk outside with Jaymond & Ayden daily. Yes some days get missed here and there but I’m pretty consistent. Now add holding a 5lb camera +15 lb camera bag. Or just carrying Ayden around honestly. I’m sure my age of 30 also has something to do with my struggles but am I the only one who thinks this is HARD?!
Now actually having to work from home and simultaneously take care of Ayden, that takes the cake with it’s so unique type of difficult. Obviously he WANTS my laptop so badly. Like screams sometimes trying to get to it. So I have to put it away. That leaves his 3-4 hours of napping to work, shower, workout, eat, & clean. I do try to squeeze tasks in while he’s awake too. What used to take me a day to complete is now taking me three. It is just a HUGE adjustment. Slowing down is not my style when it comes to work. I’ve always had the drive to push myself to work. So cutting that speed in half is excruciatingly humbling.
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